A Trip to Fantasy Island

The other night I was in the midst of an online fantasy shopping spree (you know when you fill your "shopping basket" with a ton of beautiful finds in your size and oh and ah over them and imagine all the hot exclusive places you will wear these lovelies before seeing the total and quickly hit the little red X in the right hand corner before you lose your mind and hit purchase...hahahaa). As I'm streaming through the pages upon pages of shoes at Nordstrom's, nothing is quite catching my eye. Yeah those flip flops are a cute necessity but there is no ummph to them. No va va voom. Until I landed on these.

Hello Lovah! was my inital reaction to this shoe (SATC fans know exactly how to say it...hhahaha). Be still my heart was the next. These shoes are hot!!!! I've written before about my love affair with red shoes. There is something inexplicably carnal about a red shoe. The sex appeal of a red shoe is undeniable. And this shoe lives up to the fantasy. Ooooh and a 4 inch heel too??? Hot damn, I would want to do me in these shoes. hahahaha

I feel me slipping my feet into them and the softness of the fabric embracing my freshly pedicured feet. I see me and these stunners all over town - out on dates, at soirees, wherever they want to go. I imagine pairing them with about 10 different outfits already in my closet, yearning for the opportunity to paired up with such a shoe. I could play them classy sexy and pair them with black wrap dress. I can play them hot wanton seductress and pair them with dark denim cuffed shorts and a wifebeater. Oooh I think about the wedding I have to go to at the end of the summer that these would be perfect for. And yes, I would build my outfit around my shoe. Doesn't everyone???

Lets make this fantasy a reality. There are on sale (50% off) and I can't bare to leave this for the next chick. First, select size. That's easy. I can do that. 10, please *(yes, I have big feet but I like to think of it as a) 10= dimepiece - which is hot these days and b) I need big feet to balance out my big butt...hahahahahaa). Then, select color. Okay, that's easy. Red, please. Wait, where's red?? Beige. Black. Green. No red. What. the. fuck??? How can you do this to me, Nordstrom?? Beige is blah and does nothing for my skin tone. I don't want a black shoe. I have plenty of black shoes. And green??? That green looks like strained baby peas. No thank you. I WANT HOT SEXY TEMPTING SEDUCTRESS RED, DAMNIT.

Wait, I'm resourceful. So I do what anyone would do. I google my shoe. "Max Studio Sidewinder". And wouldn't you know, a plethora of sites pop up. Oooh I'ma have my shoe. NOT.

None of those freaking sites had my size in red. Some of the sites didn't even carry the red. What the hell is wrong with this picture?? The one time I try to make my fantasy a reality, I can't. Why oh why did I look at the shoes on Nordstrom?? The heartbreak is too great to bear. Like Mariah said, "We belong together, baby". No wearing the stunners on date. No oohs and ahs at events and soirees. No pairing the shoes with the hot sexy teddy from Victoria Secret for someone special. Sigh.

This was a instore (online) heartbreak (N.E. fans/stans know what I'm talking about). Unless. Maybe, I'll go to Nordstroms. In person. Live and in living color. And strut in my red object of desire. Oooh I feel all tingly. Not pushing the dress or the shorts or the teddy to the back of the closet yet. I still have hope. Keep hope alive, my friends. KEEP. HOPE. ALIVE.