Thursday, November 04, 2010

Absent Letter

Dear You,

The absence of you has been torture. Especially given your abrupt departure from my life. Just when I thought I was ready to be open to the possibilities of it all, you disappear like a thief in the night. Literally. Mr. Hit & Run/Dine & Dash/Love & Leave 'Em formerly known as my friend.

The absence of you has thrown me into frigid ocean waters with a paper cut. Unexpectedly, the waters shock me into a cold reality I never imagined. Then, the salt from the sting of the ironic beauty of your words seeps into the paper cuts on my soul. At that moment, all I can do is scream........and drown. Then, shake it off like nothing ever happened. And occasionally, take ten steps back. (like right now)

The absence of you makes me question every chapter I wrote with you. Fiction? Non-fiction? Romance? Sci-fi? Friend? Foe? Sweet dream? Nightmare? Reward? Retribution?

The absence of you is a glaring reminder of all that I was willing to give up for you. And all I wish I never said. Some secrets aren't meant to see the light of day. I thought you were my safe haven, the place my secrets could rest peacefully. Now, they're out there and this shit feels like hell. Next time, I'll keep my mouth shut. Thanks for the reminder.

The absence of you fills me with regret. I regret even knowing you. There's no way I'd want to be friends with a person who could so capriciously and callously turn their back on someone they claim to love and care about. If this is your version of being my friend, sign me up for the enemy line; it's safer there. I'll never know why you did what you did. The absence of you leaves nothing but my dangling questions and no one to reply with a sensible answer. With so much time between your presence then and your absence now, NOTHING you say would be sensible at this point.

The absence of you makes me hate you. Just when I was open to the possibility of loving you. And I wish I never did it...........


*inspired by this song playing on my iPod...not necessarily real life. not necessarily.