Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Defining Success, Defining Me

Define what success means to you, then do it. - Ralph Marston

This quote appeared in my timeline on Twitter early Saturday morning. Ever since, the words have danced across my mind in a melody that plays over and over. Not in an annoying way like half of the crap that comes on the radio these days. More like a harmonized dance in my brain. Like the thought was supposed to be there all along but just found its beat. The idea of success intrigues me. I mean, who doesn't want to be successful? (cue Drake....actually, don't)But I realized, when faced with the task of putting together a string of words, strung together to have meaning to me, I'm stuck. What the deuce is MY definition of success???

For some, success means the cars, the house, the Louis bag, and all the accoutrements that we're led to believe are the meaning of success. Well, I could really care less about a car unless it drives, is clean, and has 4 doors - regardless make, model, or appearance in a music video. While owning a home is supposed to be the apex of the American Dream, it screams MONEY PIT NIGHTMARE to me -not my idea of success. And the Louis bag....shit, who am I kidding. I'll take it. But is that success??

I know some who would define success by hubby, 2.5 kids, dog and picket fence. I'm allergic to dogs, and don't have any of the other stuff, but does that mean that success is not for me? Is success climbing the corporate ladder?? Eh...what happens once you reach the top of the ladder?? Do you hang on in the same spot? Do you let go and fall? Either option doesn't sound like success to me.

I'm supposed to have the answers at this point in my life. But I don't. I'm supposed to have carved a path and be content on the journey, right?? But where does success fall on this journey?? Is success the destination or just a bump in the road??

Sure I want the hubby, the kids (yes, I actually do) but what if it doesn't happen. Does that make me unsuccessful, a failure? Could this be the root of my lack of definition? The fear of failure?

When I close my eyes and think about success, I see myself smiling. I'm happy. I'm at peace. I'm loved. That's how I see success. But how do I get there or what brings me to that point? I'm not so sure. But I'm willing to take the journey, no matter where it takes me as long as the end result brings me what I see when I close my eyes.

I guess that's my definition of success. Well, at least a working one. For now. Subject to change like a new melody dancing across my mind.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011


Why doesn't life come with a GPS navigation system?

Even if that little voice is annoying as hell, it still guides you in the right direction. It tells how where to go, how to get there, and how long it will take. Perrrrrrrrfect.

When you make a wrong turn, instead of shouting at you "I said TURN RIGHT, asshole." the little voice pauses and says "recalculating" and, within seconds, puts you right back on track (rather smugly I might add but still). (Sidebar: Wouldn't it be funny if that little voice really did berate you just a little for making a wrong turn?!)

There are periods in my life where I desperately wish I could just type in my destination, then sit back and enjoy the ride. Let the GPS worry about traffic and roadblocks and obstacles. This is one of those times.

Business for Mother's Day was beyond incredible. I far exceeded my order projections and made a nice little piece of change in the process. But the stress? Oy vey, the stress seemed insurmountable. I lived, breathed, slept (barely) card orders. I found glitter in places that if I were in a relationship, I would have to explain how it got there without a wad of cash in my purse. Simply put, it consumed my life. And quite frankly, I'm not used to ANYTHING consuming every facet of my life. Granted, it was just the distraction I needed but I digress.

So is chasing a dream supposed to consume you? What about your other dreams? Where do they go in the meantime? Will every little step I take from here on out have to be consulted with this new business venture? I've always prided myself with the innate ability to compartmentalize everything in my life. Relationships and emotions go here, work goes here, family goes here, the family I can't stand they go wayyyyy over there. Nicely folded and neatly organized, very rarely crossing barriers (why can't this system work for my closet though? LOL). But lately, it seems that my system is failing me. I panic a little and wonder if stepping out on my own is really the best idea for me.

With a GPS system, I can ask for directions to Happy Lane at the intersection of Success Avenue and Love Boulevard, and happily sit back to enjoy the ride. Without the panic, without the fear, without the uncertainty, and definitely without the obstacles. Sure, tell me to enjoy the journey bumps and all. Blah, blah, blah. Can't a butterfly just arrive at a peaceful place unscathed just once in my life?

No? Really??? Okay, fine. Back on my grind. Destination: Learn the lessons on the journey because it's the lessons that make the reward that much sweeter in the end. I get it. I get it. Now make a right, asshole. I have places to go.