Thursday, August 07, 2008

Jury Duty

I heart this song. Like immensely. Like when I hear the riddim in the beginning, my hips are already cued to start swaying like a palm tree in the island breeze. The breakdown for the chorus makes me strike a pose with the right hand raised like YESSSSSSSS. Complete with the hand sway, snap. But the words? Ummm not so much. I have absofuckinglutely no connection to the words. I really really listened to the words and I can honestly say I have never felt like "I need you bad as my heart beat". Don't get me wrong, I've had my heartbroken (it's well documented, no need to rehash the foolywag). But "it won't get no betta 'til you're together"...well shit that's deep. My philosophy has been it won't get no betta until I'm over it. But a need so passionate, so basic, so Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs??? In the words of my man Clay Davis, "sheeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttt"! I've never felt it. Ever. I've never felt like I've 'needed" someone that badly that I would profess it so eloquently. It that a blessing or a curse??? Jury's still out.

He called me. I should have expected it after I helped his brother. But after 7 months of silence, seeing his phone number pop up on my caller id was waaay down at the bottom of expectations. Like down by "hell freezing over" and "McCain choosing Paris Hilton as a running mate" (wait that shit might happen..hahahaha). But it happened. And I answered. I didn't realize how angry I was listening to him until I felt it boiling in my belly. When all of the nonsense happened with the email I was too preoccupied with my mother's health to deal with something so Sweet Valley High trivial. But now, I have the time and mental to space to deal with it. I heard what he had to say. And I hope he heard what I had to say. I don't plan on repeating it. Not even here. It just never ceases to amaze me how much power men seem to think they have over me. Do I give them that false impression that they have this unwavering steadfast power over me or is that the male ego assuming that I will take whatever comes my way??? Jury's still out on that too.

Jazmine Sullivan has another song on her upcoming CD, Fearless, called Lions, Tigers, and Bears.

I'm not scared of lions and tigers, and bears. Oh no but I'm
scared of loving you
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair, that's right but I'm
scared of loving you....
Just cause I love you, and you love me It doesn’t mean that we’re meant to
I can climb mountains, swim cross the seas But the most frightening thing is
you and me..... *

Now this is me. Like immensely. Not in regards to anyone in particular. This is generally, eloquently me. At least I know where the jury stands on this one. At least for now. I'll eventually file an appeal.

*(if you're my friend on crackspace, this song is on my playlist. If you're not, sorry I had to make my page private. Why you may ask. Remember that song, "I always feel like somebody's watching meeeeeeee". That's why! hahahahahaaa)

1 comment:

rashad said...

I can't believe you answered man..never answer the phone...