One Eye on the past while facing the future

As I've written before, this blog can sometimes be a blessing and a curse. I'm amazed that people continue to come back and not only read my thoughts but connect to it on some level. I'm also appalled at the lengths people will go to, just to read my thoughts and somehow attempt to use it against me. All in all, I love this tremendously. It is, after all, my refuge. While I may not write here everyday, I love what I have accomplished thus far on this blog. I like to think I've expanded my horizons as a writer and have faced some emotions I would have bottled and placed on a shelf somewhere until it exploded from the pressure. I've shared some deep shit. Deeper than I ever imagined possible. It invigorates me to continue on but I'm terrified of the judgment that may follow. I'm not going to lie - I censor myself way more than I did when I first started this blog and had one reader (Rashad). Mostly to protect those in my life and fear of having to discuss my inner most feelings. Sometimes I wish I could write just for the hell of it, with reckless keystrokes, people's feelings be damned. But honestly, what joy would that bring? I thoroughly enjoy the feedback and sense of camaraderie this blog brings. And most of all, I want to stay in the good graces of my loved ones.

As I've also written before, I am in desperate need of a break. So I'm taking some time off. Taking a little vacay if you will. I can't share where I'm going just yet (thanks, stalkers) but I won't leave my family, friends, and stans with nada. I realize that many of you are new to my refuge (Welcome to my humble abode) and I seriously doubt you read all the way back to November of 2006 (oh shit, am I coming up on 2 years???!! already?!). So, for the next week or so, I'm going to do a "best of" series - go back into the archives, and re-posting some older entries. Don't worry. I won't be reposting any of the foolishness from last year. Who the hell wants to go back and relive that??? I sure as hell don't but you are more than welcome to click your way to it, if you choose. And for those who read the original post (yeah you, Rashad aka My Guy Guru), I will post some commentary at the end of each entry. I was supposed to start this on Monday. But Michelle moved me in another direction. I christen this series, "behind the wings", a la "VH1's Behind the Music (SIDEBAR: Remember that show? I can't believe VH1 got rid of that in favor of crap like I Love Money and New York Goes to Hollywood. *smh Ohhh the humanity! ). They won't be any particular order (maybe chronologically), just entries I would like to highlight and revisit. I shall return sometime next week. "Behind the Wings" are already scheduled to appear everyday. If time allows I may post something new during the vacay if it just can't wait until I return. Enjoy the (re)view.

The Resident Butterfly