Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The Debut

The other day I was on g-chat with my girl E.V.E. doing what we do best -keeping each other sane (read laughing) in an insane (read crazy, cruel) world. At some point during the conversation, she brought up one of our literary dynamos and how she is fierce but sooo not cute. I responded:
Real Talk: she had to be fierce because she is so not cute.
Then E.V.E. replied:
Real Talk: If you are not cute, you NEED to be fierce.

Thus began our afternoon jaunt into the world of Real Talk-isms. As many of us know, "real talk" is used to denote that what I'm about to say is SERIOUSLY the truth. And sometimes, the truth isn't quite loverly. This Real Talk g-chat inspired this post. Actually, it has inspired what I hope to be a weekly postings of Real Talk - things I want to say in a not so pretty lady like way (you know how I usually do..lol). The real talkisms may be about people I know, people I don't know, people I don't care to know. But all in all, its something I have to say. Real Talk.

Top Ten Real Talk-isms of the Week (in no particular order):

  1. Real Talk: Muffin top is only cute when it's on a blueberry muffin. That shit coming out the top of your pants ain't cute.
  2. Real Talk: Why do we give a fuck who John Edwards is sleeping with??? And why does his career have to be over because of it?? I don't see you cheating motherfuckers losing your jobs at Morgan Stanley/NY Knicks/UPS/street pharmaceutical companies because you chose to give the "business" to someone other than your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/baby momma/baby daddy.
  3. Real Talk: Just because we slept together in nineteen ninety something, doesn't mean you still have the keys to the kingdom. Your pass has been REVOKED* (until further notice....hahahaha)
  4. Real Talk: Are you over 25? Lose the cornrows. Wait, scratch that. Are you over 18? Lose the cornrows.
  5. Real Talk: A do-rag is not grown and sexy. Never was, never will be. Having it match your outfit doesn't make it any better. In fact it makes it worse, so take that shit off. And no, I don't want to see it under your hat either.
  6. Real Talk: Getting therapy doesn't mean you're crazy. NOT getting therapy does.
  7. Real Talk: I chose who I want to have conversations with. And you are not among the chosen. Get over it.
  8. Real Talk: Ex lovers can be friends (without benefits). But don't ask me if any of my friends are ex-lovers.
  9. Real Talk: It's going to take a couple of presidential administrations (and presidential miracles) to undo the shit of the current administration. So save your high hopes for relevant things like sports and soap opera hook-ups.
  10. Real Talk: If you're upset with someone, speak on it. All that hinting and innuendo bullshit is pointless because they will just act like they don't fucking know what you're talking about. Thus pissing you off even more.

So what do you think? Should I continue with weekly Real Talk-isms? Feel free to post your own Real Talk-isms in the comment section.


rashad said...

Real talk? I want a swimmer's body man.

MackDiva said...

I absolutely love it! Here's one, in reference to spandex...

Just because it hugs you doesn't mean it loves you.

Have a great day & we'll catch up as soon as I get a minute to breathe! Much Love...

Chubbs said...

this is awesome. really love the one about sleeping with someone in '99 and them still thinking they have an all-access pass.

And, I agree with Rashad. I want a man with a swimmer's body.

Wait...is that what he said??

Janelle said...

Rashad: stop watching the damn olympics....you made a baby with the body you got so go sit down!!!! hhahahahahaaa

Mackdiva: I may have to steal that one for the next edition.....
Love ya, hun!

Chubbs: Okay?! Is that written in the ManLaw Rule Book or something??!
And ummmmmm, I spit my juice out all over the computer screen when I read your interpretation of Rashad's comment. I will giggle forever on that one :)