Saturday, December 22, 2007

Most Sex and the City fans remember Berger. He was a guy that Carrie dated who broke up with her on a Post It.

watch from the 2:26 mark to see how it unfolds.

While I'm not Carrie (she has a laptop), I received my own Post It via text late Thursday night. Yes a TEXT MESSAGE. While the text didn't say "I'm sorry...I can't...don't hate me", the sender sent the same message with "its me and my fear of being an asshole....this is lame and generic but we can at least still be friends". Now here's the background story. I met a guy a few weeks ago. I haven't blogged about him to date simply because there was nothing to tell. Burger (as he is now christened) is my age, lives in Brooklyn, single (supposedly), and very witty. He and I have had some really interesting conversations over the phone but nothing else. I thought about blogging about him a few days ago and naming him Mr. Telephone Man for that reason alone but I guess I will save that moniker for someone else.

Now, I have always been under the assumption that if you meet someone that you're interested in, you usually follow up a few phone conversations with making plans for some face to face time. Well, apparently I was wrong because no matter how great the conversations were on the phone or how many times Burger would say "I'm looking forward to seeing you again", he never made any plans to actually hang out. While I was very clear from our very first conversation about my take on relationships at the present time and my current dating status, he was still interested at least on the phone. After a couple of weeks passed, still no plans were made. Which initially was cool with me. I honestly was just enjoying the conversation. But after a while, the phone got heavy and my arm fell asleep. I began to wonder if he was just looking for a "phone a friend". With all this damn time spent talking on the phone, the inevitable happened - a disagreement, a difference of opinion occurred on the phone. It was so freaking weird. I kept thinking to myself: "how the HELL did I get here?" This is supposed to be fun, light, easy breezy, not serious, contentious, draining. So fast forward a week. No conversation with Burger since the disagreement. He didn't call me and I wasn't going to call him. It just wasn't that serious to me. He was the one who seemed to have a problem with my stance on the issue. I was cool with it. No pressure, no worries.

Thursday night, while I'm out with my friend DeeDee at a hilarious event (the original topic for today's blog), Burger and I are having a text message convo (too noisy to talk on the phone). The convo is heating up. He is actually initiating dialogue about seeing me. Holy cow, Batman. But then the Joker steps in, and my cell phone battery died. End of convo. At least for the moment.

When I get home, I plug in my phone and call him. Primarily to feed my curiosity as to where the text convo was going. He answers and we fall right into "phone-a-friend" mode. In the middle of telling him about my crazy evening at a "holiday party", my phone alerts me that I have a text message. I figured it was DeeDee telling me she made it home, so I didn't check it immediately. Burger and I keep talking, keep laughing. After a few minutes, I reach for my earpiece so I can answer DeeDee's text while still on the phone. Only it's not DeeDee's name I see on my screen.

"(Burger), did you send me a text message?"
"No, I sent you a couple of emails."
"My phone is telling me you sent a text."
"Ohhh, you're just getting that???"

And that is when I got my version of "I'm sorry...I can't...Don't hate me". My digital Post It came through while I was actually on the phone with Burger. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I couldn't believe it. Apparently, he sent the text while my phone was dead, and it didn't come through until after my phone charged for a while which was while I was on the phone with him. In all of the hours of phone conversations with Burger I was speechless. Not because I was overcome with emotion, more so because the digital Post It was sooo random and so out of left field. How do you tell someone you want to see them and then turn around and tell them you can't date them or get to know them further? All because I was "right" in a previous disagreement and you fear looking like an "asshole"? What kind of bullshit is that?

"Wowwww. Okay."
"Is that all you have to say?"
"What else am I supposed to say ? You must know from all the phone conversations that I'm not the chick to ask you 'why?' or to ask you to reconsider your decision. It's cool."
"But you're okay with this?"
"I'm okay with what??? If you're asking me if I'm okay, HELL YEAH I'm okay. If you're asking me if I'm okay with how you feel, HELL YEAH I'm okay with how you feel. Trust and believe, I am not devastated because the only time we spent together was on the phone. It's not that deep. I'm just a little caught off guard but it's all good."
"I know it's me. And I know I'm wrong. But I'm like this with everyone....and..."
"It's okay. Really it is. I'm not upset. It is what it is."

I changed the subject and we spoke a few more minutes about an article he emailed to me. I could tell that the conversation just wasn't there. The tone and the flow was no longer at ease. There was nothing left to say. The Post It said it all. He ended the call with a promise to call "soon" but I knew when I hit the end call button on my cell phone that it was just that - The End.

I pulled out my Sex and the City Complete Series Collection that night. One of the first things that struck me after I read the text message was: "Damn, why does this feel like a Sex and the City episode???" So I flipped through my collection to re-watch those episodes. Now here is where my Burger and Carrie's Berger differ. Carrie and Berger dated for a few months (episodes) before this epiphany to bail struck him. Burger and I haven't even met for a burger with cheese. Berger left this Post It for Carrie right after he spent the night with her. Burger hasn't spent any nights with me unless they were the free nights and weekend kind. Carrie was angry and hurt. I was confused and cracking up. Confused by the "at least still be friends" part. The wording implies that there was once more than that, and I wasn't aware of that deal. If you only speak to someone on the phone, can you really be more than "phone a friends"? Cracking up because it was just that damn funny and I could hear my friends saying "Only you, Janelle. This shit would only happen to you." hahahahahahahaha

Watch from the 1:57 mark to see Carrie tell her friends. Then watch from the 4:41 mark for her "Carrie-ism".

In my situation, I am not searching for the lesson learned. I am not looking to leap from confusion to Confucius. I'm just chalking this up to one of those weird dating experiences. Well, damn, would this even be considered dating? I'm not foolish enough to believe that the reason he gave me was the real reason why he made his decision. However, I don't care to know what his reasons really are. My friends have their opinions (they pretty much are on the same page as Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha) and I'm pretty sure while you are reading this, you have your own hypotheses. I'm just glad he revealed himself this early before I invested anything more than my free nights and weekend minutes.


rashad said...

I really would like to be able to vouch for my brethren, but i have no idea what kind of fuckery this is...maybe he's just getting out of something that hurt his feelings. Or maybe he had a girl, and this was his first attempt at cheating...who knows

E said...

... the only thing i can say is that i have learned a valuable lesson from this experience: never to leave a digital Post It unless i plan on NEVER speaking to the person again to hear how inconsiderate and tacky i am for ending whatever the hell is was that we had in such a way! Whatever!... but kudos to you for putting Burger on blast, no ketchup or mustard to make up for no class!