Yesterday

Yesterday evening, I received a call that stirred up one of my greatest fears. My mother was being rushed to the emergency room. Those that know me know that my mother is not in the very best of health. And I often struggle with this notion of "what will I do when.....?" It all came crashing down around me when I got the call. I tried to be strong. I tried to be rational. But when I arrived at the hospital, I felt like a scared five year old, lost in the grocery store, only wanting her mommy.

"Yesterday all my troubles seem so far away/Now it looks as though they're here to stay/Oh I believe in yesterday "

How do I balance being a scared five year old in the body of a supposed fearless 32 year old??I have to be brave, strong, rational. But really, I just want to curl up with my blankie and close my eyes until all the monsters under the bed go away.

Yesterday, I had to leave my mother at the hospital because they want to run tests. Leaving her in a hospital bed should be easy for me. I've had to admit her and be listed as next of kin 3 times in my adult life. While the outer me handles the various people at the hospital like a champ, the inner me is slowly dying.

"Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play/now I need a place to hide away/Oh I believe in yesterday "

Please, whatever deity you believe in, ask him/her/them to watch over my mother. Oh and call your mother and tell her you love her. I just did.

I don't know when but I'll be back........just need a minute to get over yesterday.