Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Introducing.........

A few blogs back I mentioned Rufus Leroy. This is an actual person who works in my office building. I don't know his real name but Rufus Leroy just seems to fit. After reading this you'll know why.

The first time I met Rufus Leroy was on my first day. I was new and without a clue so when he stopped into my office looking for someone else, I greeted him pleasantly and informed him that the person he was looking for no longer worked for the company. This is where being cordial bites me in the ass. Since that first encounter, Rufus Leroy makes a point to attempt to strike up conversation. And in his attempts he is really old man slick with the information he includes. So far, I know that Rufus Leroy is about to be 44, he just moved into his own one bedroom apartment, and that his kids "and they mommas" are "finally" out of his pockets. Now why do I know this???? Because whenever Rufus Leroy is bringing something that I've had delivered or something that one of my business contacts has messengered over to me, he brings it to my desk and always asks if he can have a piece of candy. Now as long as he understands that all I'm offering is the lifesaver candy in the candy dish and not the candy sitting in my seat, then we are cool. However, I'm beginning to notice that in his candy conversation he drops ridiculous hints about what's going on in his world. Like. I. care. And to make matters worse, whenever I'm walking through the lobby of the building whether out the front door or through the side door to Starbucks, he calls out like I know him from the neighborhood. In front of all the security guards and other building personnel. Yes, it has dawned on me that Rufus Leroy might be making his move and (attempting) to mark his territory but here are the Top Five Reasons it ain't gonna happen:

1. I don't want ya, Rufus. Rufus has a grey patch in the middle of his head that is about the size of the plattering of bird poo. He probably wieghs a buck forty and is about 5 feet 5 inches tall. Rufus Leroy looks to be about 54, not 44. Not that there is anything wrong with 54 year olds. They're just not right for me. Until maybe when I'm 54. LOL My rule is if your back in the day stories sound like my daddy's, keep it moving sir.

2. Rufus Leroy looks as if he used to have a substance abuse issue. I can't be worried about my shoes and jewels being stolen or being made to feel guilty when he falls off the wagon.

3. Rufus Leroy works in my building. Even if he were fine as hell, looking all Boris Kodjoe-ish, I would really have to think about whether I could date someone who has that kind of access to me ("I know you leave at 5; which entrance you leaving out of?"). And someone having that kind of access to me screams stalkerific.

4. Rufus bragging about his kids and "they mommas" being out of his pockets ain't cute. What the hell am I supposed to say to that??? "Oooh that's good Rufus Leroy. Now take me to Sizzler?" Yeah, okay.

5. Refer back to number 1. hahahahahahahaha

So what am I gonna do about Rufus Leroy??? I can't have him calling "Hey Ms. ________ (name of my company)" through the lobby like that's my nickname from eighth grade. But I don't want to offend him either. I'll never get another package. Maybe I'll just put a picture of me and my "boo" up as a screensaver. Or maybe I'll start talking about digging in my babies' daddies' pockets every time they get paid. That should make Rufus Leroy run. However, no matter what I think, there will be more Rufus Leroy stories to come. Sigh.

Oh wait, I forgot to mention that he tells me that his breath must be "kickin'" everytime he takes a piece of candy. Ewwwwwww. Just loverly. LOL

3 comments:

rashad said...

That's just a horrible name to give someone man..what's wrong with Elroy Preston?

JazzBrew said...

now take me to sizzler

Classic.

£ said...

i just gotta comment on the name rufus. there are some people really named that. why did their parents hate them so?