Monday, March 31, 2008

Part Deaux

Put that in your blog.....

That's the dare I spoke of yesterday, and this is one challenge I shall not walk away from. So without further adieu, here is Hustle's relaysheeship questionnaire. Along with my answers.

If you can answer yes to every question, you are a catch and will never be lonely.

do men try to holla at u wherever u go?
Not to toot my own horn but have you seen me??? hahahahaa

can u cook?
I'm not Julia Child but I've been known to throw down in the kitchen (sidebar: I cooked dinner for Hustle and he was shocked that I could cook because he thinks I'm a "Sex in the City" girl...hahahahahaha)

can u clean?
Ok. I'm not a neat freak. However, I'm tidy. Annnnnd I always clean up (and make the bed) before I leave Hustle's condo.

can u pay ur own bills?
Yes and if I ever need help a man is the last person I would ask. Its my stubborn pride.

can u sleep on the couch when ur on the rag?
hahahahahahahhaa. this is a prime example of Hustle's warped sense of humor. Okay, so technically, I've never been on the rag at his house. But I know I don't like to be touched on that first day and I just want to curl into a ball. Given that, one of us will sleep on the couch. hahahahahaaa

can u shutup when i say so?
What??? Oh Hustle, you and your warped sense of humor. I can shut up when you say so ONLY if you shut your pie hole when I say so. Or when I give you that look. You know what I'm talking about. hahahahahaa

can u promise not to ask to live together?
Most definitely. Not interested in shacking up. I like my space. And I'm not interested in seeing you scratch your balls while sitting on the couch.

can u promise not to ask about kids and marriage?
Most definitely. I'm not ready for all of that so what's the point in freaking you out unless I'm trying to get rid of you.

can u put the toilet seat up when ur done?
Can you put the toilet seat down when your done? I think that's a lovely compromise.

can u never ever let me smell ur fart?
Have you smelled them yet??? hahahahahahahahaha

can u never make a screw face when i nut in ur mouth?(men dont make faces when ur juices is all in our mouths)

You mean like this??

Don't worry that's my "I hate beer" face. hahahahahahaa
But anyway, just for the record. Why the hell are you looking for facial expressions at that point??? Do you really care?? I don't care what face you're making "down there" as long as the job is getting done. hahahahaha

can u act like im the first and last man to ever insert u?
This is soooooo the male ego talking here. Sooo here we go: Yes, as far as I'm concerned you're the first, the last, the only. End of story. (how's that for stroking his ummmmm ego?? hahahahahaha) But can you act like I'm the sexiest woman you've ever been with everytime we're together and not just the first time???? Hey, I stroke your ego, you stroke mine.

can u always maintain the same weight throughout the relationship?(6months grace period after a child god forbid)
I will maintain the same weight as long as you maintain the same weight. And if said child were to miraculously appear, don't give me no crap about watching the baby so I can go to the gym with my personal trainer that you have fully paid for.

can u promise to always be on birth control?( no placebo's)
I can promise to pick up the condoms when they're on sale. Or when we're at Costcos. But never from the dollar store. hahahahahahaa

can u put in writing that child support court will never be an option?
As long as you put in writing that you will equally take care of our child without me having to nickel and dime you. And what child are we talking about?? Are you making plans with my uterus behind my back??

can u promise to buy ur own sanitary napkins and never let me see them?
Helllll yeah I will buy my own. You would bring the cardboard kind instead of the plastic and then I'd have to cut you. Or you'd pick up the wrong length without wings and again, I'd have to cut you. And the fact that you have no idea what I'm talking about proves my point. And no you won't see them unless you're looking through my stuff. Or the trash can and that's just nasty.

can u promise to never go through my personal effects(ex;apartment,car,cellphone etc)?
I believe I wrote a blog about that. I'm no snoop. And keep your nose out of my stuff.

can u pay 33% of the time?
Pay for what? hahahahahaha Just joking, of course I can pay. Just remember when we go out and you pick up the check, I probably just bought the cute outfit you've been admiring, paid for a manicure, pedicure and any other grooming necessary for the evening. I may have spent more than the tab but the look on your face is worth it. So pay attention, damnit. hahahahahaha But I'm not afraid to pick up the check occasionally.

can u never fake an orgasm?(very counterproductive)
Bring your "A-game" and I won't.

can u always smell good?(yes i said it)
Of course I can. And I do. Can you always smell good?? Well at least decent??? Okay, can you just NOT stink????

can u always take pride in ur appearance?(if people know that we are rocking i am then associated with u. ex:no wearing a doobie outdoors)
That goes without saying. I'm too much of a girly girl to not take pride in my appearance. I know if we're together you want your friends to secretly hate you for snagging a bad bitch like me. hahahahaha And a doobie outdoors??? Well there would have to be extenuating circumstances in order for that to happen. And I'd still look cute. hahahahahaha
Can you take pride in your appearance??? I have a reputation to uphold. You looking bad makes me look bad and I want my friends to secretly hate me too. hahahaha

can u make sure the wash cloth u tie around ur head at night to keep ur hair together is clean?
Yes it will always be as clean as my hair. But if I ever catch you washing your ass with my head scarf, we are going to fight.

can u never use the last of whatever if i paid for it?
Okay, if I use/eat the last of whatever, I promise to replace it. Quickly or tell you immediately that I used/ate the last of whatever so you can replace it for me. I know that feeling of pouring a bowl of cereal to find there is no motherfucking milk. Arrrrrrrrgh

last but not least can u promise to never fuck anyone that knows me when we're done?
I've met your friends. Nuff said. hahahahahahahahahaa

Like I said yesterday, regardless of whether I answered yes to all the questions, I know I'm a catch. I'm just not ready to get caught. But catch me if you can. Good luck with that. hahahahahaa


Miko said...

Interesting questions...and answers. Even if y'all aren't a couple, your "situation" makes for some really good reading. :)

rashad said...

Very interesting questions..some of these i'm stealing, others are just the screwface and last man to insert you question.

makeba said...

All I can say is you both are crazy!

Anonymous said...

Um...well ok!

-- d l