Wednesday, October 31, 2007

The Top 10 Things that Never Cease to Amaze Me

10. Alcohol at a Baby Shower. I went to a Baby Shower that was unlike any baby shower I have ever been to. The lights were dim, the DJ was spinning, full stocked bar, dudes hitting on girls (ummm sounds like a disaster waiting to happen given the setting), and children doing the Soulja Boy dance all over the damn place. Is this a club??? While I enjoy a good partay and I tend to party like a rockstar, this is too much. A friend of mine makes the best rum punch EVER!!! But I couldn't enjoy it like I usually do, especially when a 4 year old tried to take my cup thinking it was Kool-Aid and had a certified fit when his mother took it out of his hands. I spotted the Baby Momma to be talking to a group of friends who all had cups of rum punch in their hands. You could see the look of "oooh I want some" gleaming in her eye. At my baby shower, there will be no alcohol. If I can't sip (as my Granny used to call it...hahahaha), you can't either. hahahaha

9. Smelling Weed in the morning. A crowd of people got on the train and stood all around my seat. As the doors closed, I couldn't help but detect a very distinctive fragrance. A strong aroma of it floated through the train car. I almost thought someone was bold enough to light up on the train (which by the way would have been hilarious if undercover officers were in the car). Whoever it was, they reeked of Mary Jane. Their coat, their bag, their newspapers, shit maybe even their pores wore the fragrance as if it were a new bottle of cologne. Damnit its 8 in the morning!!! Did you really have to light up this early in the freaking morning?? Is life really that hard??? And lets be clear this wasn't some "I smoked last night with my dudes down the block" smell, this was the "okay I have to walk three long ass blocks to the train, might as well light up" aroma. How can someone walk into work smelling like that?? Are you really climbing the corporate ladder?? Well, if they work for High Times magazine, then maybe showing up to work smelling like marijuana is a ploy for the corner office. Good luck with that.

8. White people who want to touch my hair. Since I've been rocking the natural do, this phenomenon always make me chuckle. Yes I understand that the texture of my hair may not be something they are accustomed to, but what makes you think I want your hands in my hair??? And don't get offended when I say "No" or pull back when I see that hand reaching up towards my head. Can you walk up to the Mona Lisa and just touch it? Can you reach out and touch the President without the Secret Service tackling you to the ground(if they do, can you scream out "Don't tase me, bro!"? That shit is hilarious!!!! )? Can you just reach over and take food off of a stranger's plate??? Hell no. Its rude. Get over it. And stop trying to touch my hair.

7. People who question my parentage. Now this has been a long running joke with my Georgia crew from college, so I expect it from them and if I were a conspiracy theorist, I would think they are telling people to question me so they can get a good laugh. But please people, don't get offended when I look at you blankly because No hablo espanol. As my country folks would say: My momma black, my daddy black. First of all, I don't see me as looking like anything else but African American, but I've heard Dominican, Puerto Rican, or "ummm, so both your parents are black? really???". Yes really. I love the politically correct inquiries the best. "Oh where are you from?" "Here." "No, like where is your family from?" "Umm, here" "No ummm, I mean like, ummm what's your, ummm, background?"

6. People who believe that George Bush is a great President. What more is it going to take??? Video surveillance of he and his cronies laughing at how much money they have made since he moved into the White House while most can't afford to fill their gas tanks?? Jesus testifying before Congress about the sins George has confessed??? Osama Bin Laden writing a tell all book??? I'm just saying.

5. Speaking of politics, Rudy Guilani. With his comb over and his lisp, is this really someone we want representing us as the leader of this country? Aren't other nations already laughing at us because of our current leader?? Looney Tunes was right: Daffy Duck was never the leader of anything. His plans always failed. He got no respect. He wasn't your favorite character. And his lisp was annoying as hell. I'm not even going to get into Rudy's whole exploitation of September 11 to improve his image. But do I really have to hear him refer back to how magnificent a leader he was on that day for the rest of the election process?? Give me a break already.

4. Parents who thinks its cute or funny when their children behave as adults. Whether its a 4 year old cursing like they have a standup routine on Def Comedy Jam or an 8 year old dropping it like its hot, complete with splits and sex like body motions. Yes, I have no children so you may say I am sitting high on my throne making judgements but come on, you know I'm right. I don't need to give birth to know right from wrong. That 4 year old will soon be a 14 year old cursing you out (or worse) and that 8 year old will be doing those same dances with pasties on and using a pole as a prop. I wonder what is it going to take to raise children as children??

3. How on days when I absolutely feel like crap, I get hit on by a hottie. Where is the logic in this??

2. Big Perm. Now those who read my blog regularly, know that Big Perm is a black "leader" in this country. While I applaud his efforts at times, I wonder what his true agenda really is. All that protesting for Don Imus to lose his job, and now he's okay with the man landing a lucrative deal on another station. How much of that lucrative deal is going to Big Momma's Press N Curl????

1. Damnit, there are a million things that never cease to amaze me like the ease of a conversation when both parties are in sync, the flower that grows in the middle of the concrete. If you want a Top 10 list, watch Letterman. ahahahahahaha


Oh by the way, American Gangster is amazing. And no, I didnt see it bootleg. hahahahaha
Go to the most suburban theater you can find to go see it, so you can actually hear what's going on! ahahahahaha


rashad said...

You do look a little Dominican man, even you have to admit it..

and i'm willing to bet that whoever was smelling like sticky icky either a)works in the mailroom or b)is a rapper. so offending the co-workers or climbing the corporate ladder really isn't high on the list

Anonymous said...

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