Tuesday, October 30, 2007

It’s been brought to my attention that out here in the World Wide Web or the Internets like old folk say, there are some who have taken offense to my blog. Some who think I’ve crossed a line by writing about people I encounter. Some who even think that anything I’ve written here is a lie or negative in connotation.

I started this blog as an outlet – a freedom of expression if you will. I chose to write about things that occur in my life. Key phrase: MY LIFE. Yes, I know that I’m not an island so obviously my life experiences involve others whether directly or indirectly. And those people are extensions of my experiences, and sometimes they become a topic of a blog either directly or indirectly. But if you read carefully, while a person may be mentioned in my blog, each entry always refers back to me. Back to what I think or feel about a situation. Back to me questioning decisions I’ve made. Back to me wondering out loud about things that occur in my life. I am the butterfly and this is MY REFUGE. Not yours.

So here’s the thing. If you don’t wish to possibly be a topic of my blog, don’t enter into my life. Stop contacting me. Stop entering into my personal space. Stop giving me material. For some, I can’t help if what you see written here is negative – that’s the material you’ve given me, I won’t spin the facts to make you look or feel better about yourself or to your fans.

And since I’ve brought up this little thing called fact, let’s talk about it for a minute. The fact is I am a woman of my word. While I may have a horrible habit of arriving late to damn near every event (yes I am working on it…hahahahaha), I pretty much do what I say I’m going to do or what I’m not going to do. Those whom I have embraced and welcomed into my life, know that if I say I’m going to do something for them no matter how big or small or tiring it can be, it’s done. I stick to it. Once I make up my mind, that’s it. Case closed. I mean, shit. I chose not to speak to my father for 2 years because of some perceptions I had of him and issues we had. I’m not saying this as something I am proud of but there was nothing no one could say, that would make me speak to him, and trust me I heard it all. I am proud of the relationship I have with my Dad now. I needed those years apart from him to grow as a woman and to see him for the man that he is and not who I expected him to be. I tell this to say once I’ve made a decision about something that I feel strongly about, that’s it. It’s final. Nothing will sway me. This is what I know about me. This is my fact.

So when I tell someone LEAVE ME ALONE or STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE, I pretty much mean it. How much clearer can I get??? There is no shade of gray in those statements. There are no maybes hidden in there. There is no room for freaking interpretation. These aren’t statements I’ve had to say often in my life but if I've gotten to the point where I have to verbalize it, then I’m pretty much done. I've posed the following scenario to a few friends: If someone told you to leave them alone, and he/she refused to answer any phone call, respond to any email, or acknowledge your presence in public, would you continue to reach out to them? The answer I've gotten every single time is HELLLL NOOOOO. Something about pride and having some self respect always enters the conversation.

So some may ask: Why do you continue to write about someone who you are done with? Don’t you have anything else to write about?? The answer is simple. Nothing else works. And I’m hoping this will open people’s minds to honor my request. It’s not about hatred toward anyone. Hatred requires too much energy and I have too much going for me to waste energy on such a useless emotion. I've said time and time again: I hate no one, I just love me more. But feel free to hate on me, haters. I’m not afraid. (Wait didn't I say that in another blog??? Guess, some people just didn't get the message.) I have told people to their face, via email, phone and text that I don’t want to be bothered. I have ignored people for months, thinking eventually they will grow tired of being ignored. I have changed my routine so as not to deal with the foolishness. I have even gone so far as to seek out legal advice about filing a harassment complaint before the 3 am phone calls finally stopped. But when someone keeps invading your personal space with threats of: “you sucker! I still got your sexy ass no matter what you say or do” or messages of “I truly don’t give a fuck about you” or publicly implies a threat " to back off" and that “it can get real nasty and ugly real quick” because the person you are referring to (I wonder who) “isn’t built like that”, no one really blames me when I’m not responsive to the messages of “maybe we can have a soda at the Heights” or “maybe one day we can be friends again”. I’m sorry. Will all of my friends who have lied to me, threatened me, disrespected me , told lies about me, continued to harass me and who forcibly try to infiltrate my life despite my repeated objections, please stand up???? Go ‘head, I’ll wait! (SIDEBAR: gotta say it like Kat Williams for the full effect of the sarcasm. Hahahahahaha)

And the end of all this, I’m tired. Tired of the invasions. Tired of the threats. Tired of the olive branch of friendship laced with thorns to hurt me in the end.

So here’s the deal, to those out here in the World Wide Web who have a problem with my lil ole blog, you have 2 options. 1. Don’t read my blog. Erase it from your favorites. Never visit my site. If you never read it, how can its content upset you? It’s like cable TV. With so many options, there is no need to watch my channel. Watch someone else’s. 2. Stop giving me material to write. Yes, I know I’ve said this before but I think it’s such a good idea that it's worth mentioning again. If you stop trying to invade my life, I will have nothing to question, nothing to wonder about, nothing to write about. The Earth is big enough for all of us to exist peacefully, just stop trying to be a part of my world. Enough is enough.

To all of my fans, I apologize for this rant. Think of this as your favorite programming being interrupted by a Presidential speech. Thankfully, I have a better command of the English language that the man who lives on Pennsylvania Avenue and I didn’t tell any gynecologists to spread their love to women across the country. Hahahahahahahaha

We will return to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow.


rashad said...

I read this entry in the "Mad Rapper" voice. I must say that you should continue to write what you want without worrying about what other say directly or indirectly. You should encourage them to look into the joys of starting their own blog..or direct them to mine

Anonymous said...

hahahahahahaha... I love it.. I totally understand. The truth will eventually reveal.. lies, harrasment and absolute stupidity.. Do not fall into the trap of responding and playing a role in this non-sense. you are way to smart, beautiful and a real woman to have to deal with the bullshit. Any man who goes back and forth with a woman is a real zaniken ( I will define later) In overall you are the WINNER and will always be. Never let someone else ruin your motives and your passion. You love writing and its your craft. Work it, live it , love it and keep your readers drooling over your words.. This is your TIME and your episode to SHINe be thrill that you have a wonderful fan club who will definitely go out and by your book.. They will be the first one on the line..hahahaha
Anger is not the key... Jesus will eventually save their soul.. I HOPE.. If not then all you can do is pray for them and hope that within time the chapter will end..
Speaking from experience...
Signing out.... A Akuti...