Friday, November 21, 2008

No I haven't been kidnapped.....

I've been reading my fave blogs lately and it seems we’re all in a slump. Blame it on the rain (cue Milli Vanilli…hahaha), the impending holidays (I’m sure I’ll have something to say about that), the economic blues, whatever. All I know is that I haven’t felt much like sharing my world (cue Mary J.) lately either. Actually, that’s not true. I’ve written blogs, just didn’t hit publish. I wrote one about a co-worker who I nicknamed Bitter (he was a McCain supporter) but after reading it, I sounded…..well, bitter so I avoided the publish button. But for the record, he’s a bitter SOB and I’m on to his shenanigans which I expect to increase the closer we get to inauguration day. Wait until he finds out I’m going to DC. LOL (Sidebar: shit! Did I just reveal where I’m going to be on a date in the future?? Stalkers and stans, I’m lying. Everyone else, you know where to find me. Hahahahahaa)

I’ve written more about Baskin Robbins but I’m not quite ready to share with the fans and stans (especially the stans…hahahaha). Oh but update: my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me. Well not fully anyway. He did mention that he may come up that weekend but he found out the next day that his family decided to go out of town so he decided to stay where he is. Still no clue where I got the Greyhound part of the story from. But at least I’m not going crazy. Well not completely certifiably so.

I watched a man struggle to get his key in the lock to open his office door today. And the first thing that came to mind? Damn, he must not be getting any. As I turned the corner, I realized that I think that whenever a man fumbles with keys. In my twisted mind, I equate his inability to put the key in the lock is a direct correlation to his inability to ummm put his key in the lock, per se. I have no idea where I got this theory from. But I’m sure I’m not the first person to make sexual correlations to non-sexual activities.

I was having a conversation with a friend (no blog name necessary) and he posed the following question to me:

Would you rather date a tall punk or a short man with heart?

Of course I had to qualify the question.
Define short. Is he short when I have on heels or if I’m barefoot?? Define punk. Are we talking someone inflicted by Terminal Chronic Bitchassness (otherwise known as TCB) or a lover, not a fighter (cue MJ and Paul McCartney before things went sour)???

My answer: If he’s shorter than me barefoot or if he suffers from TCB, then most likely I’ll be single. If I choose the short dude with heart he might have a Napoleon complex and think he can tackle the world. And if that's the case, he may be beaten to a pulp or shot, thus leaving me single. Or if I chose the tall brother with TCB, I won’t have any respect for him anyway, thus leaving me single. Hahahaha

Holy crap, Batman! Bossman is closing up shop early today. As in right now. His exact words: “Whoever wants to reach us, that’s what the Blackberry is for. Go home.” And I don't even have my Blackberry yet! Lorrrd, I love working for the Brit! Happy Friday!!! Cheerio!

8 comments:

rashad said...

Fumbling keys is related to ass or the lack thereof? did you go to hampton or something?

Jazzbrew said...

So that explains why I've been fumbling with my keys lately...

£ said...

The thing about being in a slump is that i expect my favorite bloggers to be slump free. lol Like i want yall to have updates everyday delivered in a timely fashion. Entertain me dangit! lol.

ANYway,

you are definitely not the first sexual correlations to non sexual activites, but thats the first time i've heard it in relation to fumbling keys. Maybe i'm not imaginative enough? lol At any rate i think i'm going to start paying attention to men and their keys...

LMAO @ your response the tall punk or short man question. I'd probably go with short UNLESS he is shorter than i am when i when i wear heels. I can't go for that. Barefoot is simply out of the question. If a dude is shorter than i am when barefoot there is a real problem.

Janelle said...

Rashad: repeatedly fumbling keys in the absence of copious amounts of alcohol makes me think a man can't work the middle. I can't explain why. And yes I matriculated from the best school on the planet - THEEEE HAMPTON UNIVERSITY!!!! SHAKE DEEEES! hahahahahahahahhahahahaa (damn we should have gone to homecoming)

Jazzbrew: ummmmm, no comment! lmao
(I never said my theory was right. Maybe I'll submit my theory for research.hahahahaha)

Lex: see, that's why you're a friend in my head. I expect the same from ya'll. Thank goodness for Rashad the mutant blogger. hahahahahahaa

Jazzbrew said...

I'd like to withdraw my earlier comment! I thought you were talking about dudes not getting any in general... not their inability to work the middle. If that were the case I would NOT have said what I said...

Janelle said...

Oh wait I didn't mean to say he can't work the middle I meant to say he ISNT working the middle. There is a difference.
hahahahahahahaa

Jazzbrew said...

Oh... OK. Then my original statement stands. LOL

Chubbs said...

Is said McCain supporter and Pink Pants-man the same guy? just curious..b/c it would explain a lot. or it would explain nothing at all...but it would make me giggle.

maybe the guy fumbling with his keys has small hands. now that would definitely mean he's a bad lover...well, in my book anyway.

i have dreadful judgment...but I'd choose the tall asshole. but not too tall (me no likey the 6'3+ types)why? firstly, i'm shallow. secondly, assholes come in all sizes...but most, I've found, are around 5'8.