Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Man Law

Okay I know as a woman I am considered umm ill equipped to call forth to vote on a Man Law. However, in this new Age of Obama, I'm inspired to make a change that will benefit all of society.

This morning I was sitting on the ___ train minding my own business. The train was pretty packed at my stop but I was able to secure a seat. With nothing to read and no beloved Ipod, I pretty much just sat, people watched and day dreamed. At the next stop on my iron horse, a man got on the train and stood directly in front of me. With sweatpants on. (pause for visual to hit you like it almost hit me.)

So there I was sitting there with his frank and beans all up in my "view". And as the train swayed...lets just say the cars on the train weren't the only things moving back and forth (dude, I hope you were wearing underwear). There was nowhere to look but down. So I rearranged the contents of my tote bag which was sitting in my lap for a few minutes. I even fought the urge to look up out of habit when we pulled into the next station. With nothing left to do, I simply closed my eyes for the duration of my trip. This fool knows he's wrong. I would have given him the side eye but that required me to look up and before I could look up at his face I would have had to visually pass his package. Yeah, no thanks.

As I sat there, clearly embarrassed and he, clearly oblivious (or was a total perv but I'm going to venture on the side of oblivion so I can ride the train again), I thought up the following Man Law.

Man Law # 2735158.12
If you are standing in front of a woman on the train who is NOT intimately acquainted with your frank and beans, you must turn 45 degrees to the left or to the right to keep your junk out of her face. Standing directly in front of a woman whose sitting height is in the same region as your pelvis is a violation of this Man Law. Those found guilty of not obeying this Man Law are punishable with up to 12 trips to the pharmacy to purchase feminine products. (Sidebar: since there is a punishment attached is this now a "penal code"??? and isn't that word so apropos??? hahahahhaa).

I understand for this Man Law to be passed it must go up for a vote. This is a democratic society after all. So to steal the words from my new workout buddy:
All the single ladies, (all the single ladies) All the single ladies, (all the single ladies) All the single ladies, (all the single ladies) All the single ladies, NOW PUT YOUR HANDS UP!!!!

(any excuse to post my daily workout!! UH OH OH OH OH OHOH UH OH hahahahaha)

1 comment:

rashad said...

1)women can't make man laws..that's man law #1.

2)during the summer, we have to see all kinds of cleavage and monkey imprints and you don't see us complaining do you? suck it up!!!