Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I'm ready to have a baby. I'm ready to experience the joys of motherhood. The 3 am feedings, the frequently stinky diapers, the total invasion of life as I know it. The spit-up all over my favorite tee. The incessant crying and not knowing how to solve it. All of it. Under one condition. If I can look like this 6 weeks post delivery.



Halle Berry's skin is dewy and radiant like she just stepped off the private jet from the Fiji Islands (on my top 10 list of places to visit in my life by the way). No baby-won't-let-me-sleep sleeping bags camped out under her eyes. And her boobs??? Oh my Lorrrrd??!! Most chicks are lining up around the block and paying Dr. 90210 top dollar to get a set of those. But dayumm, those are au naturale??All from being pregnant??? As a straight, strickly-dickly chick I can say this. The pregnancy gods definitely rewarded her handsomely for enduring pregnancy. I don't think I want that much but anything to graduate from the itty bitty committee would be a vast improvement.

Okay I am well aware that these pictures are the result of hours of stylists hovering and yards of spandex underneath, but sheesh to say she looks fantabulous is an understatement. The pregnancy gods cannot only shine on her. Well her and my best friend who is looking supercute with the baby bump but I'm kind of biased because she is, after all, my best friend. But alas, the BFF didn't get the Halle boobs. Could the pregnancy gods be saving them for me??? hahahahaha

I want the dewy radiant skin instead of this dry allergy mess I'm dealing with now. I want the well rested bagless beautiful browns. I want the shiny healthy bouncy hair (okay so hers is a weave but you get my point). And don't forget the boobs. Maybe I should have her people call my people to make sure my pregnancy looks as great as hers. No cankles, no nose from ear to ear, no water retention in places that water just shouldn't be. Just beautiful blotch free skin and boobs. If this is what post-labor and delivery looks like, then sign me up. Impregnate me, damnit!!!

*Disclaimer: This blog entry is by no means representative of the typical views expressed by Janelle, The Resident Butterfly or indicative of what she would write if she were in her sane, graduated from an uppercrust HBCU rational mind. So please don't offer baby shower gifts or your sperm donations as a result of reading this blog.

4 comments:

rashad said...

Good lord those titties are heavenly..someone needs to throw some $$ at her so she can pose nude somewhere

rashad said...

I came in this morning, and looked at the breasts for a second time just to keep my teeth white

Chubbs said...

yes, her boobs. omg...yes, i'll take two of those please...

But, you and I must be drinking from the same water fountain, because I've been getting the empty-uterus pangs for about a year now.

p.s. i've noticed on many many occasions that when a woman is happy in her pregnancy, it shows. When she is not, the acne, cankles, and thinning hair comes a knocking. I take this to be a sign from the karma gods to "Wait til you're really ready," that way you can enjoy it, and all the 'assets' that come with it.

makeba said...

If only I am that blessed to still look good while pregnant. All I can say is Lord please bless me, cause my mind is telling me I will look the complete opposite.