Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Spring hates me. I know it. She knows it. Every year, we engage in this battle but I somehow figure out a way to survive and kick her to the curb. However, this year this heffa is kicking my ass. Everything itches, from my eyes to my ears to my throat, and most annoyingly my skin. I sneeze like I'm trying to set a new world record. And the most pathetic part is I like spring...well, at least the weather. It's a precursor to my favorite season, Summer. Maybe that's why this heffa hates me. She knows I like her but love another. So like a jilted lover, she stalks me, haunts me, and makes my life miserable.

I'm convinced Spring concocts plans to embarrass the hell out of me. Last night, I went to the grocery store. Now since its nighttime I have the craziest notion that my allergies won't flare up (looking back, I have no freaking idea where I got that notion from). So I go to the supermarket without my regular arsenal. I walk up the hill, enjoying the mild night weather, loving that I can walk leisurely in a v-neck tee and a blazer. About a block and a half away from my apartment, I feel the little tickle in my throat. Do I turn around and grab my artillery or do I forge on??? By the time I walk another block and a half the corner of my eyes are itching. Oh dear. I fight the urge to scratch my eyes because I WILL look like Garfield the cat. I arrive at the grocery store and firmly grip my shopping cart. I go about my business of choosing groceries off of my shopping list, ignoring all the little "itchies" I feel. As I make my way through the grocery store, I notice a very tall, very handsome man who seems to be shopping from the same list as I am. Okay cutie, I see you. hahahahahaa
Somewhere between the yogurt and the cheese in the dairy corner he actually introduces himself to me. WOW. A gentleman in the grocery store. As I extend my hand to introduce myself, Spring springs into action and forces a symphony of sneezes from deep within. I'm not so sure but I think I sneezed on the man. Great! Just great!!!!! He kind of chuckled and offered me a tissue. I sheepishly accepted and apologized. He continued another few seconds of conversation (he's new to the neighborhood...yadda yadda yadda) and walked away with a "Well it was nice meeting you. Maybe I'll see you again. You may want to pick up some Benadryl...hahahaha". What??? That's it??!!!

Damn you, Spring. Damn you and your pollen. Damn you and the itchy eyes and the sneezing, and that nasty noise you force me to make in the back of my throat. Damn you and my daily addiction to Claritin, which is the only med that doesn't make me drowsy (even non-drowsy benadryl knocks me out..hahahaha). Damn you and the Flonase nasal spray that leaves a nasty taste in mouth. If I could boycott you I would. Just know that the more you hurt me, the more I LOVE SUMMER (the season, not my sister...love her too but you get the point, damnit...hahahahaha). If it weren't for the gorgeous sunny weather with the warm mild temperatures, I would treat you like your BFF, Winter, and perpetually give you the middle finger and the side eye .

So spring, hate on me, hater 'cause I'm gonna do me. Itchy eyes and all. I'm counting down the days to summer, my true love. And most importantly, to finally be rid of you.

4 comments:

rashad said...

You and my lady suffer from the same affliction. i just keep her drunk, it does the trick...

Chubbs said...

I'm sooooo with you on this one. I've been battling, but I think the battle is finally ending soon. I hope you feel better--and may I suggest saline nasal spray and saline eye wash--use it everytime you come in from outside. It will cleanse out all the pollen...and should help just a little bit. If you want prescription meds...Allegra is really good, and Pataday eyedrops are the shiz.

Chubbs said...

I hope you feel better. (I tried to post a comment, and damn Blogger deleted it). Anyhoo...I think tree pollen will be leaving us soon. Until then, I suggest saline nasal spray and saline eye wash. Use it everytime you come in from outdoors to cleanse away some of the dirt and pollen. And Allegra antihistamine and Pataday eyedrops (both prescription) are really good as well.

Janelle said...

Chubbs: thanks for the advice..someone also told me to try a nettie pot to irrigate my nasal cavity...just haven't gotten around to picking it up.