I had a dream. Not in the Dr. King sense. It was a crazy dream - more like a nightmare. What freaked me out was how vivid the dream was. I felt like I was watching a really bad "Based on a true story" Lifetime movie. I had a dream that my ex shot me. Crazy, right??? But it happens all the time. How many times have you turned on the news and seen the reporter with a grim expression, saying "Woman gunned down by jealous ex in a fit of rage. We turn to Tappy Phillips, live at the scene of this horrific murder ". (sidebar: why do reporters have such weird names? Did her mother really name her "TAPPY"??? Did they know she was going to be a reporter? Would you go to a gynecologist or an accountant whose first name was TAPPY?)

In my dream, my ex and I were at a party. It was an outdoor party, maybe a BBQ. The weather was beautiful - sun shining, not a cloud in the sky. I start talking to some friends (who now that I think about it are from different times in my life). I look over and I see my ex talking to the guy I'm currently dating. From where I was standing the conversation didn't look pleasant. So I ran over, well briskly walked over because I had on some cute high heeled open toe sandals. I step between them and say "Please end this conversation NOW! " Some words were exchanged between us and I wanted to leave. As I turn to walk away, he calls my name. I turn back, and I hear the gunshot. He shoots me - right in the chest. I can see the dazed look on my face. I feel myself fall to the ground. I remember thinking "Oh shit!" All of a sudden I feel a rush of people around me. As I close my eyes, I hear someone say "She's alright. She's going to make it."

This was the only time I have ever awaken from a dream in a panic. I sat straight up in the bed, breathing all kinds of crazy. I looked around my bedroom, so happy to see my dirty clothes spilling out of my wicker hamper. I can't front the dream freaked me out. Do I really think that fool would shoot me?? In my heart of hearts, I say no. While I never underestimate the power of crazy, he has too much to lose to go to that extreme. But the dream has made me evaluate people's sanity. There needs to be a pocket size psychological exam you give to people you meet. If their scores falls 2 standard deviations below normal, RUN LIKE HELL IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!!!!!! They probably used to ride the short yellow bus to school and the voices they hear are not coming from their IPODS.

Maybe the dream wasn't about him shooting me. Maybe it was about me letting go. I hope so. I never want Tappy Phillips reporting live from the scene and using my name and words like "horrific tragedy" in the same sentence.