Tuesday, December 23, 2008

And while we're on the subject.......

Speaking of pet peeves, this one falls under the Holiday category.

Yesterday, I went to the Hallmark store near my job on the hunt for Christmas cards for my family. I come from a long line of "sure you bought me a Rolls Royce for Christmas/Birthday but where's my card?!" kinda people so if I show up without cards, I might as well go home (hmmmm, thought for next year...hahaha). I found a card for my Dad first. He's easy. His card must be funny and never mushy. Next up, my god-mother. Also an easy one. Primarily since they're aren't too many godmother cards so I pick the least juvenile looking one (when are they going to give up on the color the picture cards....hahaha). I look for a card for my grandmother. Tricky. All the damn cards are way too mushy for the relationship I have with my grandmother. She didn't bake me cookies as a child, she didn't tell me stories of my mom growing up. But Hallmark only had those cards, so I have to scour the racks of Duane Reade/CVS in the hopes of finding a "Merry Christmas, Grandma! Love Ya!" card. No fuss. No muss.

Next up, my mother. Okay, so my mother's card needs to be the right balance of mushy love and happy memories. My mother cries with every card I give her. Never fails. I remember as a kid, she would cry when opening those ugly ass cards I made in school. And yes, I can say they were ugly because I can't draw for shit. But I could color the hell out of a handout. But I digress. SO I peruse the section of cards for mothers and happen upon the Mahogany Line. For those unfamiliar with Hallmark, Mahogany is their line of African American cards with African American images that "represent" the African American experience in greeting card form. And also the source of my peeve.
Every damn card for mothers addressed mothers as "Mama". All of them said beautiful wonderful sentiments but they all said "Mama". For the record, I have NEVER addressed my mother as "Mama" unless I'm paraphrasing Jay-Z when someone comments on my bootay since I get it from my mama. I can't tie a sweater over this ass or hide it in pajamas. hahahahaha Who the hell says "mama" besides Jay-Z and Boyz II Men???? Not me, and I can't cosign on a greeting card that calls my mother something I do not.

Why is the Black experience in this country so monolithic?? Yes, I get its only a greeting card but just like other Americans I address my mother as "Mom", "Motherrrrr(used when she is working the nerves she gave me)," "Maaaaaa (for when she is not paying attention and she needs to do what I say....obviously I don't use this one too often..hahahaha) or the ever favorite "Pamela Anderson Lee"...well Mom's tig ole bitties are real (something I DIDN'T get from her..hahahaha) but I digress (again). Why can't the cards that look (somewhat) like me be reflective of me and my vernacular??? Am I making a big deal out of this??? Probably, since I found a card with the correct balance of mushy love and happy memories in the "general" section that had no images of white women holding their white children (that's a whole other conversation and I'm not trying to be too militant-political).

I realize I have nothing else to say about this post. I could go on but I'm trying to embrace the spirit of the holidays. And escape with my sanity and my money in hand. hahahahaha

Not sure if I'll post tomorrow but if I don't MERRY CHRISTMAS, friends, fans, stalkers and stans!!!!! Smoochies (none for you stalkers....hahahaha)


rashad said...

Blank cards are the way to go man. People are touched that you used your words and no one else's that you can pretty much say any damn thing and you get a pass...

makeba said...

Isn't just so frustrating! I feel that way with every card I have to buy. I am so pro-black when it comes to cards, yet they never seem to say what I want them to say. Either the vernacular is to, "we gonna drop it till its hot for your birthday" to "Mama!" lol Nevertheless, I always purchase them feeling just so so.