Friday, February 01, 2008

Hustle was being a real bitch this morning. From the elbow nudge at 5:45 to watch the spin on the presidential debates on various networks to his refusal to rub my very sore shoulder to his women are gold-diggers rant. Now none of this is new. Yes, he always wakes me up to watch the news at the crack of dawn despite my grunts of displeasure. Yes, he has responded no to my requests especially in the morning before work. And yes, I've heard his dissertation on the evil genetically imbedded in my half of the species. Normally, it's all in jest and we laugh and cuddle until one of us ABSOLUTELY has to get out of bed. But something about his demeanor, his tone was different. He was overly critical of everything. The nudge was a little harder. The refusal harsher. And I'm not even gonna to touch the backstabbing gold-digger theory (but damnit if he didn't make a few good points this morning...hahahahahaha).

Initially I just rolled my eyes with a "here we go" and a chuckle but after a while it started getting to me. So I retreated into my thoughts. I got really really quiet. I got out of bed and headed for the computer. Initially I thought I was being overly sensitive but I dismissed that thought by comparing my last visit to this visit. He was still cynical but in a sweet grumpy old man kinda way. This time his cynicism has more bite too it. And through the walls in the apartment we had an argument over sugar. Yes, you read that correctly, sugar. Brown sugar to be exact. And he started the argument. Its too frivolous to rehash but I kept asking myself when the hell did we get here??? We don't argue. We engage in spirited debates often about politics, relationships, being convicted of murder without a body for evidence - things like that. But sugar??? An argument??? Really???

Now the old me would have cried, pouted and screamed "why are you being so mean to me?" The new me sat at the computer in my nightie and began checking email. All the while just thinking. And not thinking. Making sure I wasn't reading too much into the turn of events this morning. Thinking about all I had to do before the end of the day.

As he was leaving the apartment we exchanged civil pleasantries: "Have a wonderful day" and all that blah blah blah but I couldn't look at him. He asked was I upset with him and I quietly said "yes, you're being mean to me." I didn't yell. I didn't roll my neck or my eyes or both at the same time. I just quietly sincerely stated how I felt. He asked me for how long. "All morning". He asked if I was serious and I just looked up at him standing by the door. I guess the look spoke volumes. He sincerely apologized. And I said okay. He asked did I forgive him and I told him I did. And I meant it. A few minutes after he left, I got up to get myself ready. When I came out of the bathroom , my phone was ringing. It was him. I answered thinking he was going to ask me to do something in the house before I left. Instead, he wanted to apologize. He said he really thought about it while driving to work and felt bad. We spoke for a few minutes and I told him that I sincerely accepted his apology before he left. He explained himself and while its no excuse, I understand exactly where he was coming from. Once again, we are in similiar places with the amounts of stress in our lives. I assured him that we were cool and told him we all deserve a pass sometimes.

I would be lying if I said his sincere apology had no effect on me. I was really touched that he called and apologized. Not saying he has to kiss my ass or anything. But his humbling sincerity says alot about him to me. I know its hard to admit when you're wrong. Sure it could have been an old player move like "gotta keep my bitches happy and in check", especially since he was leaving me in HIS apartment....hahahahahahahaha. However, I would like to believe his apology came from a pure place. Right now, he's looking more like a man and less like a bitch.

So to the million or so gentlemen who read my blog (yeah I'm still on my Kanye with my numbers...hhahahahaha), LISTEN UP. Apologies should be delivered swiftly and sincerely. Waiting too long with only intensify the side eye you get later not to mention the tension you now have to cut through. ANNND the next time you fuck up, this current incident will be at the forefront of our minds if you let it linger and some of my female sisters WILL BRING THIS SHIT UP NEXT TIME leading to two arguments in one. The actual words mean the world to us. Most times that is all we want. And maybe a hug too. LOL Whatever you have to do to make yourself sincere, DO IT JUST DON'T OVER DO IT because then you look guilty as hell!!!! Oh, and if the lady means something to you please please please don't say: "I'm sorry you feel this way." That, my friends, is a half ass apology. You're not really apologizing for what you did. You are sorry for the emotion the lady is displaying like it has nothing to do with you like "I'm sorry your hairdresser accidently dyed your hair purple. Oooh, tough break." (No, this didn't happen this morning but that has always been a pet peeve and I finally had an opportunity to express it in context. Whew! That felt good. But I am guilty of using it. Go figure! hahahahahahahahaha)

And to my millions of female readers: CUT THE BROTHER SOME SLACK. If his behavior isn't what you're accostumed to from him, CALM DOWN and wait. Approach him rationally not emotionally. Most likely, he may be going through some thangs. I firmly believe men PMS too. hahahahahaa If you accept his apology, cool, let it go and move forward. Think nothing of this speed bump (which I've now immortalized in my blog. does that make me a hypocrite??? sigh). If you choose to NOT accept his apology, that's cool too, be rational in your explanation as to why. "Because....." makes you sound like you're 5 and haven't mastered the abilty to articulate reason yet. But do what's right for you. Yes I know I am THE LAST BEING IN THE UNIVERSE to listen to when it comes to matters of the heart (did you read my last blog??? hahahahaha) but I learned something today and damnit I'ma share it. hahahahahahahahaha

And to all of my friends who are reading this and giving me the side eye about my views on Hustle and "relaysheeships": We are two stressed out dysfunctional folks who happen to enjoy each others company without stressing each other out despite our dysfunctions. THAT'S IT!!!!!!!! Got it????? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


rashad said...

You can distract us with this story if you want to my friend, but the REAL underlying theme of this entry is how RELATIONSHIP-like it is

Eve said...

I agree with Rashad. I think Hustle is catching feelings, and is tired of being marginalized as your glorified jumpie.
I'm staring to feel for the brotha....

Around The Way Girl said...

Usually I read your blog on my phone and cannot comment but let me just say you typed some TRUTHDOTCOM. Anyways, as to the other commenters, maybe I havent read enough to feel sorry for the dude yet but they seem to both be enjoying themselves and yes...with alot of likeness to an actuall RELATIONSHIP! Lol!