I got next....I guess...

I guess I'll see you next lifetime.....

When this song came out in 1997 I had not an inkling how true it would ring in my lifetime.

I guess being single for as long as I've been, this was bound to happen. The odds for it not to happen are clearly not in my favor. It happens so often I feel like this song is on repeat loop in life's soundtrack.

I meet a nice guy. A down to earth, normal attractive guy. No swag on a full tank, not dripping swagu (hate Kanye for this term by the way). Normally for me, this is a somewhat quiet, laid back kind of guy with a mix of shy nerdiness sprinkled in for good measure. Maybe it's the shyness in him or maybe it's my seemingly outgoing personality but this guy may hint at possible interest but never follows through.

Him: "We should hang out sometime"
Me: "Okay. Cool"

Nothing.

Some time may pass before I see this guy again. But when I do, he's quite vocal with how he finds me attractive and blah blah blah. Now, something changed. He's more confident with his words and more direct with his eye contact. Not to the point of obnoxious arrogance but the volume is just a tad bit louder, enough to be noticeably undeniable.

So what's changed? Sigh.....
You need to know/I've got somebody, but/ You're beautiful.........

He's married or engaged or in a seriously committed monogamous relationship or any variation of the above. All in all, unavailable for me in this lifetime. As Badu says, "it ain't that kind of party nowww" so being the other woman, at this stage in my life is not attractive and is damn sure not an option I want for myself. So I guess I'll see him next lifetime as a few have suggested. The problem is unless there is more feline in my DNA that I would even consider, I don't have that many lifetimes to go around.

I'm always puzzled by this surge of confidence though. Where the hell did it come from? Most importantly, why NOW and not when you initially met me? I've heard some saying somewhere in my life travels that says something like "the love of a woman will make a man feel like he can conquer the world". Sooooooo if I'm to believe this to be true, does that mean that this said woman's love also gives you the confidence to tell another woman that you're attracted to her and "damn if only I wasn't blah blah blah...."??

The more I think about it, I believe it's a sub correlation to my "Nothing to Lose" theory. Initially this theory applies to the no teeth, colt 45 drinking, 10 baby momma fool that always finds you in the club and wants to holla at you "for a minute" (read: for the rest of the damn night). He knows he has a snowball's chance in hell with you and most likely already has baby momma #9 and #10 lined up for the evening but he likes to gamble. Hence, he has nothing to lose when he approaches you. Baby momma #9 and #10 are still going to entertain his foolishness whether you audition to be baby momma #11 or not. In a more refined manner, this shy guy now has nothing to lose as well. The possibility of my rejection does not affect his life at home. He's now afforded the luxury to drip a little swagu into our conversations without the bruise of the perceived rejection he assumed I would send his way.

What is clearly ironic or right out of a romantic comedy movie, most of these guys, if they would have mustered up enough swagu initially and asked me out on a date, I would have said yes. When it comes to dating, I'm pretty easygoing. A great conversation is all I need. I won't even mandate that you must feed me and I damn sure won't throw Michelin ratings in to prove that my bourgie ass knows how to eat well. It's a date, not a walk down the altar. Plain and simple. So what's the harm in asking me out before you find yourself in a relationship. I don't bite.......well, at least not on the first date.

Unfortunately, we'll never know what could have been. Unless we hit the reincarnation jackpot and get another chance next lifetime.

Baby we'll be butterflies.......

-- Sent from my Palm Prē