Monday, September 12, 2011

Silence Stalker

My work schedule is crazy and most days I love it. I'm never in the same spot for longer than I have to be there to conduct my training. However, my schedule sometimes collects its toll like an EZ-Pass. I have no choice (at the moment) but to pay up, shut up, and keep it moving. I don't have an office. I feel like I'm constantly on the go so much that when I have my own personal errands to run my get up and go is giving me some serious side eye like "bitch please. it's my day off."

But there are moments, like this exact moment, that I live for. Silence. One of my training sites shuts down the room I use for training up to an hour before my class begins. I hustle from my morning site, pick up some semblance of healthy cuisine in the Bronx (another Debbie Downer in weighing the pros and cons of my job), navigate my way through the hustle and bustle of this commercial neighborhood and descend into my silent refuge aka my training room. What adds to the joy? I have no cell phone reception in the room whatsoever. AHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh. (Am I the only person who relishes from time to time being off the grid, so to speak?)

As I sit here, I realize that there aren't too many silent moments in my life. I'm always in the hustle and bustle of the never quiet city. When I'm home, there's the million channels on cable that I must watch because I pay for them and there's my mother and all of her needs, and there is her cat that never ever leaves me alone so much that I've renamed her damn cat, Shadow. Maybe that's why I love this silence so much. Sitting here in a quiet room with the dull hum of some computer machinery, the murmur of a whoosh from the central air, and my click, click, click on the keyboard. That's it. Pure bliss.

Once I close that door, the outside world is no longer buzzing in my ear. I don't even want to hear the sound of my own voice - another side effect of talking all day for work purposes. Even in composing this blog, I feel like my voice in my head is on whisper -just audible enough to gather my thoughts in my head without intruding on my silent bliss.

I know I'm a walking contradiction. I have many friends. I'm always out and about. Not to beat the cliche like a Mike Tyson circa late 80s opponent, but I am a social butterfly. Don't get me wrong. I love that side of my life. But the balance of silence is missing. And I crave it like men crave the fall and its bosom buddy football. Now that I have it, I don't want to let it go. I feel like I'm stalking silence. Soooooo, how do I get more of this bliss?


Valerie Moore said...

It's like you read my mind with this post!

rashad said...

This is why I love running and/or swimming at 5am. The world is calm and silent...