Good Intentions

A couple of weeks ago I promised a post about someone new. Since writing that, I've struggled with what the hell I was going to say about him. It seems as if as soon as I publicly mentioned him, there's been a shift and I'm not sure where he stands at the moment. I guess I should start from the beginning.

I met someone a couple of months ago. You know how people tell you that you will meet someone when you least expect it? Well, this man definitely falls in that category. I met him while I was volunteering. There I was clad in a plastic apron, gloves, a hairnet and...clutch the pearls.....sneakers, and he saw someone he wanted to get to know. IMMEDIATELY. Within a couple of days of meeting, we spoke. He's older (we were not born in the same decade but thankfully, he wasn't born in the same decade as my parents either). And from our very first conversation, he was focused. During that convo, he was eager to get to know me. I was kinda caught off guard because he was so clear and direct. Most guys I meet, play all nonchalant like "I don't want her to know I'm digging her" and it's like playing that game "Operation" in trying to get to know this person. Ooops get too close to a topic and ZINNNNNNNNNNG you're out of the game. On our first date, he continued to be clear and direct about his intentions and where he sees his life over the next couple of years. I told him about my not so stellar dating history and told him that it was fine for him to jump all in if he wanted to, but I was gonna sit on the side of the pool, dangling my feet, and getting comfortable with the water before jumping in. I've learned, finally, to be cautious when it comes to matters of my heart. He reminded me that he was older, meaning he doesn't have time for the games. He calls himself the visionary, saying that he could see all the good that's in store for us and calls me the project manager, the one who is more practical in getting us there. I thought it was cute. And quite accurate.

He accidentally met a friend of mine and she was highly impressed, telling me that I needed to hurry up and see the vision. It wasn't that I didn't want to see the vision. I just want to see more before I could envision the possibilities he spoke of. I have to figure out whether his focused intent is admirable or if it scares the bejesus out of me.

So here we are, just a couple of months down the road. And I'm not still not seeing the vision. He says all the right things, and when we actually hang out, I have a good time. But...........he's not consistent. Or better yet, his follow through is lacking. I can look at his schedule and projects that he's currently working on and say to myself "There's no way in hell I'll see him this week." While that can be disappointing, I'm realistic and okay with it. He works 16 hours days, 5 days a week, and is working on a major multi-million proposal for his organization on top of that. In spite of it all, he will try to see me for a mini date - like going for a drink after work. When I raise my concerns over what has to be his sheer exhaustion, he will insist that he will be fine. Day of our mini date comes and guess what? He cancels for all of the reasons I believed why we shouldn't have arranged the date in the first place. I've voiced my frustration over it and he insists that he has good intentions when making plans. But I've often used the quote : "The road to hell is paved in good intentions. " I've told him that when he cancels last minute its not only disappointing but makes him appear unreliable. It has gotten to the point where I now make other plans on days we're supposed to go out. And that's not good.

So what do I do? He says that his schedule will ease up soon and has asked for my patience. But what am I waiting for exactly? I don't know if I'm not sure I can believe in his vision or maybe I'm not ready to date exclusively or maybe a combo of both. Or none of the above. So until I know for sure, in limbo he sits. And yes, I realize no matter what, I may never know for sure. Especially when it comes to love and dating. So back on my observation deck I go. At least for now.