Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I was having a conversation with a male friend about what else, men and women. During the conversation, he showed me a picture of himself with 2 very pretty women. When I asked him about the prospects of the women for himself, he told me that one was in a serious relationship and the other only likes light skinned dudes. He went on to say that if asked she will admit it, wholeheartedly. I was shocked, initially. I mean, it's 2007, and there are educated people out there whipping out brown paper bags??? I could understand if this were an older woman from maybe my grandparents' era because that's the mentality they grew up with. But this particular young woman is 24!!! She grew up in the time where "chocolate brothers were in" and "light skinned brothers were making a comeback", so how could she discriminate???
But after a few minutes of conversation with my friend, I asked him "Aren't we all superficial to some extent?" I have a friend who won't date a guy if he doesn't have a college degree, even if he's making 6 figures as a plumber. I know guys who only date women with long hair, no weaves. I know a guy who says his woman must wear between a 34C - 36D bra size. Damn dude, do you work for Victoria's Secret??? And then of course, I have friends who will not date men with kids. But after some of the baby momma drama I have encountered in life (another blog for another day), I can kind of understand that one(didn't say I live by that one but sisters, I understand..LOL). I have never been superficial when it comes to skin color. My friends could tell you my choices in men would probably look like a United Colors of Benetton advertisement for brothers. Just like the Skittles commercial, I have tasted the rainbow (keep it clean, people). I also don't care one way or another about career choices. I've dated doctors to doormen. My only concern is that they enjoy what they do.

So what am I 'superficial' about when it comes to men??? Height. I will not date a dude who is my height or shorter. I look back at all the men I've dated and the one thing, the only thing, they have in common is that they were all at least 5'10". I don't want to walk down the street holding hands with my man, and from the back it looks like I'm holding my child's hand as I cross the street. Just the thought of the sight makes me cringe. Time and time again, I've had height challenged guys hit on me. I look down into their eyes and say "thanks but no thanks." Now, short men need love too but I just don't see them getting it from me. Somebody out there will love them. My name just ain't "Somebody".

My friend reminded me that the girl is only 24. At 24, we are all hot shit, thinking we can have anyone we want. with just a look, a flirtatious smile. We easily toss people to the side, because something about them doesn't meet our lofty list of attributes that our soul mates must have, no matter how trivial. How many times have you said, ""I don't need him/her. Look at me!"??? But as we get older and choices become slim, that laundry list becomes more like a 10 item or less express lane grocery list. I hope this woman realizes this lesson long before she ends up alone with a house full of cats.

Don't get me wrong; we are all entitled to our type - whatever floats your boat. But are we limiting ourselves to the possibilities with tunnel vision for our types only? When do we separate what we need from what we think we want? What if the packaging isn't what we're looking for but the present on the inside is everything we had hoped for? But who is taking the time to look past the packaging. I just pray that my present comes in a 5'10" or better packaging, preferably named Chris Webber. Hey a girl can dream, right???


rashad said...

I was the exact opposite of that 24 year old girl you mentioned. When I was younger, I was open to any race, any size, anything I could get my hands(well not my hands, but you get it) on. As I get older, I get way more picky, because I'm able to weed out the bs to figure out what I want..to some degree. Its not a fool proof process though, because i am STILL single.

Evelyn said...

I always liked short men - I leave the tall dudes for the tall girls. Even still, every once in a while, standing next to a big man, I feel small, and that's a nice feeling.
I see how the other half lives...lol.
I don't know that your list changes, it just get prioritized differently. You get older, and it's like "does he have goals, ambition? Can we LIVE/share a life together? Do I believe in him? Is he trustworthy?"
Ultimately, for the most part, character overrides looks as you get older. You learn that handsome changes and stupid might just be forever.