Thursday, January 18, 2007

I just spent the past two and 1/2 hours talking to an old friend. It amazes me that I am old enough to say I have an old friend by the way. What is so special about this conversation is that if someone told me 3 years ago that I would have a conversation with this person, I probably would have dismissed them with my standard "shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit" (you have to say it with like Clay Davis from The Wire to get the full effect). After slamming a door in her face the last time I saw her and subsequently not speaking for over 6 years, to say that she and I were no longer friends would be an understatement. Yeah I could rehash the whys and the how comes but today, right now, none of that matters. I am grateful to another friend for forcing us into a situation where we had no choice but to speak after all those years. In the absence of hurt feelings and emotions we were truly able to communicate with each other 2 years ago. Through emails, cards, and occasional telephone calls we have both made an effort to maintain the open lines of communication. While we may never speak as often as we used to in our heyday (what the hell does that mean???), I find that everytime I speak with her I am reminded how far I have come as a person. The ability to let go, truly let go, has always been a struggle for me whether good or bad. But in this situation I had to weigh my options: I could either hold on to this grudge and keep the feud going or I could forgive AND forget and move on with my life. I realized that going with the latter option would be my best option because it allowed me to live my life as I wanted to. Carrying this extra baggage was weight I no longer wanted to carry. When I get angry at people around me I allow myself to fully feel that emotion because I know now that eventually I can and will get over whatever may come my way. The rebuilding of this friendship has taught me that. If this friend ever reads this I want her to know that even though she and I weren't always on the best of terms, she has taught me alot. More than she will ever know.
No I am not professing some Buddha-like perfection nor have joined a convent (sorry can't take the vow of poverty or chastity...LOL), but every now and then small things happen in life where I stop and figure out the blessing. And this entire friendship, through the good, the bad, the ugly, and now the beautiful, I know that I can always come out on the other side a better person just because of the journey. Thank you my friend; you know who you are.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Reading this entry makes me want to reconnect with a friend of mine from college who I no longer speak to. And the said part is, I don't even truly remember why we don't speak anymore..