There is a regular segment on one of my local news programs called "What's Bugging You?", where a reporter roams the streets asking for people's comments on whatever the "what's bugging you?" topic of the day is. Well, Jeff Rossen, since you've asked, there is a lot bugging me. In no particular order, the following points are what's bugging me:

* SoHa. The proposed name for an area of Harlem below 125th Street. SoHa is short for South Harlem. I have gone along with all these million dollar construction projects invading my neighborhood. I've watched a wave of different hued people moving into former crack dens. All of this "gentrification" and "community renaissance" has sparked many debates about the changing of the fabric of our community. But SoHa??? What the fuck is that? (I know...I know I said I was going to work on the cursing but damn it that's the only word that fits my sentiment right now.) SoHa sounds trendy. However we are not a trend that will be out of style next season, we are a community. How dare you come in and try to change the name of even a portion of my community. I understand that you developers in all your meetings came up with this idea to attract those with multi-million dollar bank accounts to purchase this matchbox condos built adjacent to the projects. Yes there was a time where some of the streets were considered wastelands where all you found were drug addicts and dealers, hookers and their customers. But what you money grubbing developers fail to realize about Harlem, it that we take the good with the bad. We didn't distance ourselves from those streets then and I'll be damned if we do it now that you've built a pretty building and put a few trees in the sidewalk. The old building and former residents may go but the name stays the same. It is allllll Harlem. And if these trust fund babies can't accept that, then we don't want them in our 'hood.

*People who think that because I am currently unemployed they can bug me at anytime day or night. Right now as I am trying to focus on writing this, I have an acquaintance who is bugging me on IM for some non-emergent information. When I replied back to tell him that I can't talk right now, he proceeds to continue to send me the request as if to say "It's not like you're at work, so you should answer me NOW!" My time is just that..... MY TIME. It's bad enough that I haven't been diligent enough on this blog thing but I've realized that it helps me stay focus and clear on my main objective - FINDING A NEW CAREER. But honestly, I don't care if I was sitting here scratching my ass and watching Maury tell someone he is....NOT the father, if I say I can't talk right now, then damn it, LET ME BE.

* I was reading an tiny tiny article in the paper the other day that there is a plan before my community board to rename my street, James Brown Way. Now, before I continue, let me say that I am sorry the man is dead, and I know he changed the landscape of music and entertainment not only in this country but around the world. For him to accomplish what he did as a Black man in this country is an great achievement. And I will forever be grateful for "I'm Black and I'm Proud". I think I sung that song every day in high school just to keep my head high in the face of the institutional racism I faced every day at that affluent elitist school. But ummmmmmm, did I miss something??? James Brown never lived on my street. If I'm not mistaken, I don't think he ever lived in Harlem. His funeral procession to the Apollo Theater began on my street. Does that mean my street name has to be changed???? We can honor this man in so many other ways, but let's do it in a way that makes sense - like naming a cultural center in Harlem after him.

*Men sitting on the train. Why do you insist on sitting with your legs wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide open??? It doesn't matter the race, age, outward appearance, or perceived economic status, men get on the train and sit with there legs so far apart they might as well do a damn split. Why do you need all that space?? Honestly, your dick isn't that big. The average penis unaroused is about five and a quarter inches long. (I learned that on Real Sex the other night..LOL). I don't know what the average width is but come on people, its not that wide! You're taking up 2 seats for what???? Just to let you know, women are not impressed by the fact that you think you have to sit that wide. We are pissed because you took the last 2 seats in the car and WE WANT TO SIT DOWN!!! Think about it, how many of you men sitting on the train like that have gotten any play from a woman STANDING in front of you??? How many times?? Not never!!!!

So that's what's bugging me. Thanks for asking, Jeff.

I just spent the past two and 1/2 hours talking to an old friend. It amazes me that I am old enough to say I have an old friend by the way. What is so special about this conversation is that if someone told me 3 years ago that I would have a conversation with this person, I probably would have dismissed them with my standard "shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit" (you have to say it with like Clay Davis from The Wire to get the full effect). After slamming a door in her face the last time I saw her and subsequently not speaking for over 6 years, to say that she and I were no longer friends would be an understatement. Yeah I could rehash the whys and the how comes but today, right now, none of that matters. I am grateful to another friend for forcing us into a situation where we had no choice but to speak after all those years. In the absence of hurt feelings and emotions we were truly able to communicate with each other 2 years ago. Through emails, cards, and occasional telephone calls we have both made an effort to maintain the open lines of communication. While we may never speak as often as we used to in our heyday (what the hell does that mean???), I find that everytime I speak with her I am reminded how far I have come as a person. The ability to let go, truly let go, has always been a struggle for me whether good or bad. But in this situation I had to weigh my options: I could either hold on to this grudge and keep the feud going or I could forgive AND forget and move on with my life. I realized that going with the latter option would be my best option because it allowed me to live my life as I wanted to. Carrying this extra baggage was weight I no longer wanted to carry. When I get angry at people around me I allow myself to fully feel that emotion because I know now that eventually I can and will get over whatever may come my way. The rebuilding of this friendship has taught me that. If this friend ever reads this I want her to know that even though she and I weren't always on the best of terms, she has taught me alot. More than she will ever know.
No I am not professing some Buddha-like perfection nor have joined a convent (sorry can't take the vow of poverty or chastity...LOL), but every now and then small things happen in life where I stop and figure out the blessing. And this entire friendship, through the good, the bad, the ugly, and now the beautiful, I know that I can always come out on the other side a better person just because of the journey. Thank you my friend; you know who you are.

Allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is...okay it's not Hov. But for some reason that song has been on my mind all day. Not even the whole song just this damn line. I guess I do need to reintroduce myself. It's been a minute since I've put my thoughts and wonderings out here in cyberspace. My friends have even stopped asking me when am I going to put up a new entry. But its a new year and with that comes thoughts of new beginnings and the resolution for change. So who is the new me that I will have to reintroduce in 2007? Haven't figured it out yet. Damn it's only 8 days into the new year give me a minute! LOL

So much has gone on in the past couple of weeks in my very dysfunctional family. I was so tempted to sit at this computer and write about every transgression to relieve myself of all the different emotions associated with this roller coaster ride. While I am obligated to love these people, I do not like them. If it weren't for these genetic links I probably wouldn't associate with them. I know that sounds harsh but it's my reality. No I'm not talking about my entire family. Let's just say there is a small group within my very extended family that tick me off time and time again. I would never name names or reveal their relations. I guess I care more about them then I thought. However, looking back at the sequence of events I realize that while you can't control who you share DNA with, you can control the effect they have on your life and the limit their involvement in your life. Family is what you make it.

It's 2007. I cannot allow anyone or anything keep me away from something I love. I have to apologize to myself. The words were right here but I stifled them, cast them away , violated their purpose. But I acknowledge the error of my ways and will work harder at honoring my gifts.

At the stroke of midnight New Year's Eve/New Year's Day, I was walking down Lenox Avenue on my way to a party. A group of boys, probably about 13-14 years old comes running around the corner, throwing their coats in the air and screaming, "IT'S 2007, BITCHESSSSSSS! FUCK THE HATERS!!!!! SUCK MY DICCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!" Gotta love the hood!!!!! LOL Now while I may not agree with their language, I appreciate the sentiment and long for that exuberance. They were sooo excited to see 2006 end and seemed to welcome whatever 2007 may bring. So in the spirit of my young neighbors I say "Fuck the haters" in 2007. If all you're bringing is hate (and negative energy) into my life, refer back to the earlier statement. Well except the "suck my dick" part for obvious reasons but you get the point, damnit! LOL