Auditory Assault

I step onto my iron chariot which has come forth to carry me home, away from a long day at the office. I lean against the door to play a game of relaxing mindless Bejeweled. Thankfully the train isn't too crowded. While I'm lost in the world of lining up jewels to score points the message carried on the voice ringing in my ears brings me right back and I'm forced to look up.

"Yo, I beat the shit outta that bitch yo. Them other bitches back the fuck up. She the only girl I had to go toe to toe with like that. Hahahahahaa. Word"

What?!

The 2 "men" sitting across from me in the 3 seater seem to be reminiscing quite gleefully about Friday night smackdowns with the women in their lives. I try to block their convo out but unfortunately its spring break, meaning no loud ass teenagers to amuse/embarass me and thus block this ignorant conversation from reaching my sponge absorbing cerebrum.

"Yo the last time son...hahaha....yo afterwards? Her face was so fucked up she had to stay in the house for like 2 weeks, yo. And you could still see cuts and shit on her light ass" he chuckled as his boy congratulated him with the universal brotherly pound. My eyes cut lethal daggers in their direction to no avail. For the duration of my ride Bejeweled provided no solace. The conversation continued, each trying to outdo the other with tales of choking chicks & decking dames. I was tempted to ask them to shut the hell up in the sweetest way possible. But then I rationalized that if they beat the crap out their "loved ones" with such boxing ring bravado no telling what they would do to me, a cute stranger. So I kept my mouth shut & my face unpummeled. Still seething, as they entertained each other with the blow by blow sportscaster-esque commentary.

Finally, my chariot pulled into my home station. I was itching like a fiend to get off this train and away from this auditory assault. As I waited for the doors to open, one of the guys called out to me "yo u kinda cute. U married ma?" Ummm so you can kick my ass too? And whatchu mean kinda?? I didn't even dignify his crude ass with a response. And people wonder why I'm not rushing a relaysheeship?! Hmph.

Note to self: Take I-Pod out of gym bag and place in purse. Apparently ears need peace on the train also.